College Football Wants Me On That Wall, Needs Me On That Wall
By Tony Gerdeman
The powers that be in college football have essentially agreed that a four-team playoff is coming in 2014. What has not yet been agreed upon is how those four teams will be chosen.
I think we can all agree that in a game controlled by rich men in suits, there's no way those rich men in suits aren't going to have some type of say in who participates. The games may be played on the field, but the games played in the back rooms are just as important.
This past week, Big Ten athletic directors discussed the way teams would be chosen in an assumed playoff, and most seemed to be in favor of some type of selection committee.
A selection committee for college football? I want!
I don't mean that I just want there to be a selection committee, I mean that I want to be on that selection committee. I'll even buy a suit and learn to drink Scotch!
I believe that I am uniquely qualified to serve on a college football selection committee, and I am declaring my intention to earn a spot on college football's most coveted panel.
How am I uniquely qualified? In a number of ways.
First, I watch college football, which I assume most candidates do not do. Second, I enjoy it.
Granted, I do have some flaws. For one, I can't always stay awake through the games out west. Also, I can't watch ACC football, not that ACC football would ever come up in a selection committee discussion.
My strengths certainly outweigh my flaws. For instance, I watch Michigan games with a very close eye, so I'll know when members of the selection committee are overrating them, and I'll be able to be the voice of reason when it comes to the Wolverines.
I cannot stress that last point enough. I will not let an undeserving Michigan team into any type of playoff. If I had to have a campaign motto, it would probably be "No Blue".
One of my other great qualifications is that I am completely objective. I'll know when a team actually sucks instead of rules.
When we are discussing the top six or eight teams, and somebody brings up Notre Dame, I'll be there to remind everybody of the truth.
"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!" I will bellow. And then we will move on to teams that are more deserving, like Pitt or BYU.
I will also be the voice of the voiceless. I will be there to argue for teams like Boise State. Finally, they won't have to bleat for a seat at the table. I will bleat for them.
When the committee brings up Boise State, and somebody tries to downplay how much the Broncos deserve a spot, I will be there to listen intently and form rebuttals for next year, or perhaps a few years down the road. (I like to be prepared.)
I am not saying that I am the most qualified person for the job, but since there will be more than just one member on the committee, I don't need to be. I'm happy being the 13th-most qualified person for a 15-person job. I've never been one to kill a curve, and I don't plan on doing it now.
To the committee, as they no doubt mull over my candidacy, I just want you to know that I would absolutely take the job seriously, and I would join no other committees during my tenure. I am a one-committee man. I want to be inside of you.
Also, I would be completely willing to shirk many of my daily duties, including honey-do lists and walking the dogs. Can Dan Wetzel say that? I seriously doubt it.
Honestly, I just want what is best for college football. It is the only sport that I can watch that doesn't make me want to watch college football instead.
I love college football. It is almost perfect. If I were to be chosen for the selection committee, college football would obviously become closer to being perfect than it ever has before.
I want this. Not just for me, but for you. We both deserve this. But most importantly, college football deserves it.
I am here to serve. An unbiased voice in the night breaking the darkness with logic and objectivity, paid by no university, and with no dogs in the hunt.
As I officially announce my candidacy, I can think of no better person than myself to serve on college football's selection committee.
And remember, "No Blue!"
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